"the Anti-Christ"

I think I may actually have some kind of disorder. I always thought it was cool. But now it’s just scary. I don’t know if it’s actually something I should be worried about. Is it eating me up slowly? Will I slowly become less and less functional, like the guy in the book ‘Epileptic’ by David B.? Will I suddenly realize that my life’s been turned around by someone like Tyler Durdan? Have I got an imaginary friend who’s been secretly locked up in a green jack-the-box and will spring himself on me later? Will I lose complete control of my mind? Is the substance releasing it? Am I abusing substance?
Yesterday, I came home drunk and made a big scene in front of my whole family. It‘s Christmas time and we’ve been at my grandmum’s place. Family reunion. Happy and joyful it’s supposed to be. Though they feel I’m wasting my time and life fooling around and partying and getting drunk. My mother was getting grilled about it, when I arrived, drunk. I had no clue. In some odd way, the tension gave way and I saw my grandmother upset. In my drunken, happy state I went to console her. Everything flipped when she said it was my fault and that my mother had been getting grilled because of my callous attitude towards life. It became ugly. I took off on a series of hurtful things to say and didn’t want to see my family again.
My father was also there and I had a huge fight with him. He left early in the morning.
I woke up and the flared ego had shrunk with the effect of the alcohol wearing off. I felt like such a fool. But, a lot of pent up emotion had come gushing out in flaring rage. Saying things that I didn’t mean, behaving in a way that wasn’t me. I didn’t know where to look or what to say, but my family were very understanding and let it pass as a drunken fit in tough times.
The Anti-Christ had shown his dark face again and brought about chaos and insecurity once again. I was opened up and completely vulnerable, but brought back down to earth. I am thankful to the protective forces, the shoten zenjin for keeping me safe and watching over me.
In this time, the emergence of darkness again, I realized that there was a drastic change that I had undergone. I am thankful to the Anti-Christ for showing me the side of me, that isn’t me. And in doing so, showing me who I am, to awake afresh to greet the new dawn.
“It is darkest before dawn.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-trXfv5Qbg