Mum said there was nothing on between Thumper and her. I believed her. I saw them getting closer, but I didn’t stop them. I don’t know why.
It’s too late to stop it now. My mum says, when she was sick and was going to die, there was nobody by her side. Then, Thumper came and stood by her and made sure everything ran smoothly and took care of her. She owes him her life and she understood how much he cares for her. She’d been alone and finally found the kind of love and care she’d been looking for. Maybe if Dad had done that.
She says happy now. She wants to be with Thumper.
I wonder if I will hear people talking to me in my head. I wonder if I’ll see some imaginary person. Or several imaginary people just pop out of my head and then it will all make sense where the racket’s been coming from. Everything would make sense. If I had some kind of psychological disorder like in the movies. Disorder. Disorder. Disorrrdah!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTuXz5eaIkA
Friday, November 20, 2009
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
"Dad called"
I got an enquiring phone call from Dad. I think he’s caught on that something’s on. People have been saying a whole lot of stuff. Making his life miserable, with rumors and their opinions.
Mum said there was nothing on, when I asked and I told him that. He didn’t seem too convinced. I tried to convince him that there’s nothing happening. It would just eat him up, sitting so far away if I let him know that I’m not so convinced of what I was saying myself.
Dad knows. It’s silly for me to have not seen it. It was so obvious. I feel like a fool and worse. I feel guilty for doing this to my father. He was so hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?” the question always ringing at the back of my head. To think that my own mother would do something like that..I’ve lost my faith in the sanctity of marriage.
Anyway, it would too hard for him to be with my mother again, after the way things have turned out. It would make him too insecure. Though his insecurity’s been tested in the past, I was too young to judge or be sure. But this is out in the open, and this is for sure. Like a smack on his face.
The banging in my head’s got louder. Blocking it out is clouding my vision of daily life. I stop to try and hear voices, but I can’t. I wonder if I’m going crazy. There must be some kind of way out of here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lU5bDpqDuhk
Mum said there was nothing on, when I asked and I told him that. He didn’t seem too convinced. I tried to convince him that there’s nothing happening. It would just eat him up, sitting so far away if I let him know that I’m not so convinced of what I was saying myself.
Dad knows. It’s silly for me to have not seen it. It was so obvious. I feel like a fool and worse. I feel guilty for doing this to my father. He was so hurt. “Why didn’t you tell me?” the question always ringing at the back of my head. To think that my own mother would do something like that..I’ve lost my faith in the sanctity of marriage.
Anyway, it would too hard for him to be with my mother again, after the way things have turned out. It would make him too insecure. Though his insecurity’s been tested in the past, I was too young to judge or be sure. But this is out in the open, and this is for sure. Like a smack on his face.
The banging in my head’s got louder. Blocking it out is clouding my vision of daily life. I stop to try and hear voices, but I can’t. I wonder if I’m going crazy. There must be some kind of way out of here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lU5bDpqDuhk
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