is fascination a luxurious gaze?

I find it rather calming to look around and walk about observing and being fascinated by all that surrounds me. As a child I used walk with my mother for hours, while she shopped. Everywhere I looked there was so much to see.
I look around and there are things that still catch my fancy, just the pleasure of walking past an open corn field with the trainline in the distance as the sun is soft and the breeze is blowing. Suddenly, I hear this voice "Hurry! You're wasting time. There are things to be done, places to be. What are YOU doing? Do something! Times are changing. The world is CHANGING. FAST!"
I look around and see there are lots of people walking in their own directions, each with their purpose, with some WORK TO DO!! There are things to buy, mouths to feed, more to work, more to earn, more to buy, more to achieve, more to follow, more to want, more to buy, less to live.
Don't think. Keep moving. Faster. Keep going. "You wouldn't think like this if you had to struggle" "It's because you don't have problems" "You don't have a purpose!"
"It's a fool's job to think. - I mean to think about the ways of the world. Nothing can be done about it. So don't think, just do. Do some work."

So I stop. My head is throbbing. Can nobody see that living is gone. William Blake said "Nothing is lost." So let's move on. Is that what we're doing?

When I think of living today, I'm reminded of a star that starts combusting faster and faster to completely consume itself.

"Through the Mirror"

Off late, I’ve been spending a lot of time in another world, uncovering thoughts and places I didn’t know existed in my head. When I was ready, I followed the voices and the smiling face of Playful Nature and went through the mirror, to find out what lay beyond.
Through paths I feel I cannot explain, I walked and in search of happiness returned to the same point again. I followed her down the same paths again and again, happy for a while. I knew I was getting closer to something but always found myself where I had left off with little change.
Time and again, I chanced upon a little man, Old Man Yoda, he said his name was. He spoke wisely as was expected, voicing words very much like my own. Though the way he spoke was funny, his words made sense to me. I would have said the same to myself if I were as preachy.
With him at times there was a man in a long black coat. His story was a little hard to understand, for of things that had happened in the future, he spoke. He said there was another him whom I would meet and had met before. He said he was Alter Ego of the Anti-Christ that once was. He said I knew this Anti-Christ and had overcome him before.
I was sure he had me confused with someone else. However, patient as I am, I listened to what they had to say. They said the Anti-Christ is dead. Killed by his alter ego, Alter Ego, who stood before me then.
As if that wasn’t confusing enough, they said he’d emerge again and that I would kill him. This horrific thought I didn’t believe, but it troubled me immensely.
I went off again following Playful Nature, for her sweetleaf I did enjoy. And at some point I suppose, she brought me back to reality, just like she always did.

Through the Mirror: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zOGycwt0LXs
Old Man Yoda: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S7CRMEEyMjU
Playful Nature: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=56P4XLdL8wc

"Airport" – and then I had to go

It was the most tragic thing that happened then,
I really didn’t want to be anywhere else, except right there, next to him.
And how I wished I could cry, but strong I had to be,
There was no reason really but I left eventually.

Though it came and though I went,
And didn’t shed a tear,
Twas no emotion left, I wished to feel and in it was hidden fear
And from that fear in time there grew, the darkness very near.

I thought I had it all in check and now the time was right,
I was going, I had no choice, no putting up a fight.
I had to leave and forget behind,
The feelings that I had
For I knew, that though we wanted
“We’ll make it last, when we’re apart”
We were going to be sad.

And it would show in time,
For sure I knew,
And it did.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvV6_bUb4nk

Sketches - sights, sounds, moods and play